I know not many at all read my blog, but I blog just to let out my feelings.
So anyways this is kinda long.
I got it from Karim's myspace's blog.
He's just someone I watch on youtube for entertainment.
And this is something he blogged about what he wants in a girl and I really agree with him.

"Love can only be felt once. Marriage represents that, we get married once and its eternal. If we divorce that was the wrong partner and it was never love, just affection. Like I say you can only know it is true love when you die with the person and can't live without the person. Yes, true love can be told when it's to late. That true love can even be with someone you may have met once. You never know, only god and the balance of nature know."

True love can be told when it's too late. It's true most of the time.
You never know what you have until you lose it.

"Love is not when you are with someone and kiss someone else, love is not when you are with someone and think of someone else, love is not when your partner is in pain and you walk out, love is not sex it's only an outcome of it. Love is not being attracted to someone else. Love is not holding back on giving your all to your partner, love is not dreaming of someone else many times in this case simply because we are human. (Freud said dreams are oppressed feelings being released) love is not telling another person to nip and tuck, love is not anger, love is not confusion, love is not deceit, love is not lies, and love is not betrayal these are just tests of love."

I totally agree.
I admit I certainly did not think of other people at the start.
But nearing the end, I did and it was only after the little love he gave me in return.
At least he did love me, whether it was a bit or a lot, he didn't really show much.
Maybe he was a quiet person in love and didn't know how to show his affection.
But I'm a really impatient person and I need that much love back.
I couldn't hold back anymore.
Hopefully he gives another girl as much love as she needs.

The things I used to love in him, became things I disliked in him.
His flaws like how he's really shy, I use to think it was realllly cute.
I loved it so much.
Guess my love did fade cuz I slowly thought of it negatively.
I still tried to love him.
I wanted to gain back my love for him so much.
I didn't want everything to go to waste.
But I guess he didn't really hold on to it.

"Love is jealousy, I want my girl to have that slight jealousy when I am with someone else talking with someone else, because that is a sign that she can't be without me. It's the same for me, but too much of something is never good, so you just want that right amount of jealousy. Love is when the other feels your pain, I want my girl to always be next to me when times are low to even just lift my spirit for 1 second is more than enough for me because it reminds me of her love and care. love is loyalty, and this is a big one, I want my love to only love talking to me more than she does with anyone else and to always find time to talk with me and be herself with her words, because anything that comes out of her beautiful mouth is an essence that I love and not feel comfortable being hit on or being talked to by other men."

I know I wasn't a jealous girl before I loved him.
Maybe I envied some girls in a way, but jealousy never got in the way.
Tho ever since I got together with him, I started being jealous.
Even if it was the slightest reasons like him talking to another girl.
I never did restrict him not to talk or hang out with them. I had my limits.
There were times when he lied and times when he didn't speak out his true feelings.
Whereas all that time I poured out all my feelings to him.
When in doubt, I turned to him.
When I needed someone, I turned to him.
Though at times, he wasn't there.
At times, it was very hard to even reach him.
That let down was very hard to take.
I don't know if he ever understood how I felt, but he never changed in that aspect.

Now I'm really scared to love again.
It's so hard to find someone who would truly treat a girl well.
Someone like Karim, he may have his flaws.
But at least I know he wouldn't abuse his girl in any way.
I know he wouldn't cheat on her, etc.
He might make her cry, but only cuz she misses him too much.

It is so beautiful Karim feels this way. His future true love would definitely be a very lucky girl to be treated this way. It's exactly what I need.
Nothing is perfect in this world and I could only dream of a guy like that.
But certain things should be initiated by the guy.
But then again I shouldn't have expected too much.
I guess I just wanted much more.

I don't listen to U2, but that song in my label helps me now.
I remember Randall sent it to me when I was fucked up last year end.
But thank you Yann, thanks to you I really became a better person.
I really was happy when I was with you.
You just never really gotten thru with me the unhappiness we've let into our relationship.

Labels: Stuck In A Moment - U2